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Local Pizza Place Gives Leaked Dave Portnoy Sex Tape a 6.1/10

Middletown, NJ – Uncle Vins, the local pizza parlor and ‘Top 50 best pizza in New Jersey’ 1997 winner is jumping in on the fun with the news of a sex tape being released of Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy. He can confirm that he watched the video and overall gives it a 6.1/10.

“It’s tough to rate stuff like this,” said the mildly aroused owner Vincent D’Agostino. “It’s all very subjective and depends on what you like. Personally the intercourse was a bit vanilla for my tastes. The lighting and camera work were poor at best and I’m more of a brunette guy.”

Portnoy took to social media to blast the pizza shop owner noting, “What’s that guy even talking about? I’ve been slinging dick for 2 decades and that was an all-time performance. He wouldn’t know a good sexual performance if it doused him like he was caught in a tropical rain storm.”

Shares of Penn Gaming are lower which some people are speculating is due to the lack of degeneracy on Portnoy’s part. The video did show graphic sex but at no point did he place any live wagers or try to speculate what the over/under might be on how long until he climaxed.

We will report more on this story as it develops.