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Market In Turmoil After NYSE Turned Into Spirit Halloween Store Overnight

New York – Wall Street woke up to a grim surprise Monday with the New York Stock Exchange in Lower Manhattan vacated and converted to a Spirit Halloween. The change was unannounced, with only a gaudy store banner on the building and a ‘Black and Orange Monday Sale’ sign on the steps.

We spoke with a NYSE employee and former market maker, Keith Brinkman, who remarked, “the writing was on the wall. With Covid putting everyone out of business, it was only a matter of time. No one can afford rent in Manhattan, not even Wall Street.”

The shutdown marks a historic moment in Wall Street’s history; much like The Great Crash of 1929, The Occupy Movement or the time famed investor Warren Buffet drank too many cokes and had to be forcibly removed.

“We tried to make the best of the situation by using what was still here.” Brinkman mentioned while hanging up Tiger King costume packs. Remains of the former trading floor includes the iconic opening and closing bell, which now plays the halloween hit ‘Monster Mash’, as well as 2020 stock market graphs and job reports ‘because what could be spookier then an economic meltdown?’

Some market analysts are staying optimistic, noting that the seasonal store is adding jobs, and sales on halloween decorations are one of the few drivers still boosting the economy.

Locals have welcomed the change, as many have stated a temporary holiday themed pop up shop is way more useful to the average New Yorker than the stock exchange ever was in the past.

No word on where the world’s largest stock exchange plans on relocating but aources say they’re looking at more affordable neighborhoods in Queens.