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Microdosing Day Trader Accidentally Takes Full Tab; Becomes One With the DOW

Taking fractions of a typical “fun” dose of hallucinogens like LSD may seem like something a curious 8th grader might do, but “microdosing” has made headlines recently from young professionals who credit the technique with giving them an enhanced ability to focus on their work without the teeth-grinding and impotence associated with traditional stimulants.

But one man, who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity because he “didn’t want his parents to find out he does drugs,” experienced something beyond enhancement when that “microdose” became a macrodose.

“I cut up these little gel tabs I get from a friend of a friend. When I take about an 1/8th of a tab, it feels like my brain is doing exactly what it’s supposed to be doing. And usually, that’s buying options based on whatever Joe Rogan is talking about.”

That all changed though when “at least 5 or 6” of those little eighth tabs fused inside of the tin-foil pouch at the bottom drawer of a locked filing cabinet where the anonymous man stored them.

“It’s like I could feel myself moving through each frame in the movie of my life. Watching stocks rise and fall, every print etched into my brain as I was rising and falling along with them. The person who I was melted away and was replaced with a number, and we were all numbers rising and falling at the whims of the universe. And we were all green, and we were up, and it was beautiful.”

In total, the man made $6.27 after commissions during his eight-hour trip, spending $4.99 of it on an HD rental of Speed Racer (2008), which made him cry.