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Mom Finds BitCondoms In Son’s Bitcoin Wallet

As bitcoin reaches towering new highs, many people are taking advantage, but one new trader’s parents caught him trying to play it safe.

“I was absolutely shocked and appalled to think my son, my poor innocent, sweet 18-year-old Tony even has such a vile thing in his bitwallet,” Maggie said. “This is not the way we raised our boy. We taught him to go balls deep into the crypto game.” She sighed and continued, “a BitCondom? We have failed as parents.”

Tony pleaded with his mom not to tell his dad, a financial Twitter guru who just opened a holiday sale to get some new users. But she had to as she didn’t have the strength to face it alone.

“My son has weak bitcoin hands,” James Dillinger, aka e-Money, said while shrugging. “What can I say? He’s been experimenting. Although I am proud of him for getting his beak wet in the crypto market, as a father I still have to stick by our values, and we value going balls deep into the crypto game. Especially now that it’s all cranked up. BALLS DEEP, WOOT WOOT”

“Bruh,” Tony said. “ I need protection. I need to feel safe. I don’t know where these hashes have been. Look, I’m not like my parents. We all live with my grandma because we can’t afford rent. They are always trading, and frankly they aren’t very good at it. Between us, my dad’s Twitter alert service sucks.”

Maggie couldn’t disagree more.

“Me and e-Money have been ballin’ in the game since 2017, we got in right at the last bubble. Bought big. The crash wiped us out. But a few months ago, we got back into the game and couldn’t be happier. Our son needs to take chances. Any fool can buy low and sell high, we HODL.”

“Sure some people go with magnum-sized portfolio protection, but who am I kidding,” Tony said. “I go small and sensible. Just ease it in and protect whatever small growth you have. Don’t let ‘em size shame you. And never,” Tony cringed and said,” go balls deep, unprotected in crypto.