San Juan, Puerto Rico — Sitting behind a desk made of solid gold in his underground bunker in an undisclosed location in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Peter Schiff wraps up his fifth T.V. hit of the morning with a message all too familiar to his disciples.
“The stock market is about to crash in a manner which the world has never seen. Worse than 1987. Worse than 2008 and especially worse than March of this year.” said a disheveled Schiff. “The Federal Reserve continues to print money unabated in a feeble attempt to try and save the economy. But it won’t work this time.”
Schiff is best known for predicting the housing crisis and subsequent market crash in 2008. His near incessant calls to buy gold as a hedge against such violent crashes have paid off handsomely with gold having tripled off the bottom while the S&P 500 has only gained roughly 500% and the Nasdaq lagging them both with a near 900% return in the same time.
“I don’t want to say that the stock market is going to zero but it will get as close to that number as possible” said Schiff as both major indices touched all time highs after most companies reported record revenue and earnings. “And the only way you can protect yourself is by purchasing Gold through my firm Schiff Gold.”
“We’re in an unprecedented bubble!” lamented Schiff saying this as if by habit. When prodded for what the future of the economy holds Schiff paused for a considerable amount of time before responding, “I think you’ll see a series of market crashes. One after another until there’s nothing left but my bunker and all my precious gold.”