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NASA Rover Discovers Decaying Retail Sector and Failing Economy on Mars

NASA’s Perseverance Rover arrived on Mars last week, creating a buzz in the scientific community as well as in broader society.

However, the rover’s first reports are just now reaching Earth, and the findings are disappointing.

Perseverance quickly discovered a decaying retail sector and a struggling economy on the Red Planet. Shopping malls are mostly abandoned, and countless standalone retail and dining establishments have been foreclosed.

“The Mars retail sector is bleak,” said UBS retail analyst Brad Hutchins. “Our firm is lowering price targets across the board on Mars retail plays.”

Investors panicked on the news, driving several Mars mutual funds below NAV (net asset value).
Is there any hope for recovery plays?

Hutchins doesn’t believe so. “The major problem with a recovery thesis on Mars is the lack of sales volume. The rover stationed itself outside a Starbucks and witnessed zero customers over three hours. Where is the consumer demand?”