Press "Enter" to skip to content

Nervous About Retirement? Try Cutting These Seven Basic Needs

A lot of people get nervous about whether they will have enough money stashed away for retirement. If you’re one of these people here are 7 basic needs you can cut in order to make sure you’re covered:

1) Shelter: Should you buy or rent? Neither! Buy a bandana for $3 and attach it to a stick. You’ve got yourself a bindle to carry your belongings in. Now your home is wherever the rails take you. Save an average of $1,200 per month to invest in your 401k.

2) Clothing: Clothing is pure human vanity. Instead of throwing your money away on clothes, go nude. Nudists save $3,012 per year on clothing (plus $473 on laundry!), which you can use to pay off your student loans.

3) Food: Adopt a hunter-gather mindset. Collect condiment packets from the food court. Claim your coworker’s lunch that’s been in the office fridge for a week. Instead of eating out, pay a visit to your local funeral home during a reception. Save an average of $2,648 and use it to pay down the principal on your mortgage.

4) Sleep: A healthy eight hours of sleep a night adds up to 73 40-hour work weeks per year. At the federal minimum wage, that’s $21,170 that you’re leaving on the table. Instead of sleeping, take the graveyard shift at Denny’s and invest your earnings in fixed annuities.

5) Safety: Three words: Medical test subject.

6) Water: Bottled water is foolishly expensive but even tap water can cost nearly a penny per gallon. To stop flushing money away.In fact, stop flushing period. Filter your urine for reuse. Invest an average savings of $840 in an IRA.

7) Air: Air may be free, but every breath you take is another expensive moment of life. Don’t invest in anything that will prolong your life and increase your costs. Invest in unfiltered cigarettes, high-proof alcohol and sulfite-rich processed meats.