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New Crypto Promises Fastest Transfers Directly to Founder’s Bank Account

A groundbreaking new cryptocurrency hit the market last week with one big promise for early adopters: The new alt-coin will transfer money to the founders of the currency faster than any other crypto and with the lowest transaction fees as well.

“While some cryptocurrencies have lock-up periods for the founding team or a lag in transaction times, we aim to provide a frictionless experience for our founding team members looking to enrich themselves as quickly as possible,” founder Colton Burns told us from his compound in an undisclosed location.

The crypto world is already abuzz, with thousands of Coinbase users already transferring their fiat currency directly to the newly wealthy founders of the this exciting new crypto. “It was just so much fun,” said Matt Doherty, a college sophomore studying finance. “The way it just took my money and sent it off to some rich guy half way around the world, it was really amazing to watch. You hear people use the term ‘paradigm shift’ and normally they’re full of crap but that’s definitely not the case this time”.

While the technology seems intriguing, the currency has already provided many real-world use cases. For example, the CFO of the founding company was able to buy a new vacation home within just three days of the ICO (initial coin offering) and has put a deposit down a very rare Bugatti.