In a historic business breakthrough that Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen describes as “breathtaking,” Harvard Business School scientists have for the first time used powerful scientific equipment to peer inside non-fungible tokens.
Collaborating with physicists at CERN in Geneva, the researchers used the Large Hadron Collider to fire a high-energy particle beam at a collection of NBA Top Shot NFTs.
What they saw astounded them: the NFTs disappeared. “Although I have been an enthusiastic collector, this study casts a shadow of doubt on the status of NBA Top Shot collectibles as a serious investment vehicle,” said Donald Kempf, a professor of subatomic cryptocurrencology at Harvard Business School. “I mean, even Dogecoin disintegrated into subatomic financial particles. But NFTs? There’s nothing there. Everything we had in the accelerator just vanished when subjected to even a low energy particle stream.”
“I can’t believe I spent so much money on NBA Top Shot collectibles,” added Kempf. “My God, what have I done? How could that guy on Reddit have led me astray like this?”
HBS NFT researcher Jaclyn Nelson, who is a Certified Baller at nbatopshot.com, concurred. “In retrospect, I probably did not need to acquire so many Marcus Smart highlights,” she said. “Sure, he’s the heart and soul of the Celtics. But at what cost?”
The researchers have not given up hope of finding fundamental NFT particles, however. Next month, they will begin experiments with the NFT of Jack Dorsey’s first tweet. “If we can’t find anything substantial there, then I don’t know what to believe in anymore,” quipped Kempf.