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Opinion: Let’s All Pay Double Taxes to Humiliate Freeloading Billionaires

Billionaires like Elon Musk, Michael Bloomberg and Jeff Bezos use their so-called clever capitalistic brains to follow the archaic law loopholes and avoid paying as much federal taxes as possible. In many cases, they pay nothing while we everyday Joes and Janes foot the bill. Basically, these cheap suits stiff us with every check. Without their tax income, our country’s deficit keeps skyrocketing to the moon like a May Dogecoin fantasy. However, there is a simple solution to get them to pay–We non-billionaires can pay double to shame them into doing their share. Now, who’s the clever one?

Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) had some tough criticism of the baby-eating billionaires, and proposed the ingenious idea of paying double on anything we may be taxed right now.

“Pardon my French, but this Bezos mother-trucker keeps skirting around paying taxes on a salary comparable to my paperboy, so we need to belittle this guy into paying his share based on his bezo-llions,” Warren said throwing up air quotes.”If we pay a little, and he will feel the deep burning emotional pain a lot.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never actually paid additional federal income taxes. I always get a refund. But we aren’t hypocrites. So using Sen. Warren’s mic freestyle model, I guess we’ll just let the feds have our refunds and then match it with extra cash? When our movement catches wind, the billionaires will surely step up to the silver plates covered in their 7-layer burritos of shame. Can you imagine how utterly stupid these guys will feel when they see us all paying? We will be heroes.

Opponents say that simply is not enough to convince billionaires to do their part claiming they are selfish and greedy. Policy analyst and University of Moonporia Economics Professor Christopher Buzzery said the likelihood of getting anyone to pay is moot.

“Why would anyone pay double, that’s just stupid,” Buzzery said. “I mean, I live a pretty posh lifestyle, I just got vintage corduroy off of ebay for teaching that are pretty fly, oh and I got one of those electric scooter things with my tax refund, so I’m not gonna pay double.”

But I disagree, billionaires just need some tough love, and this world can give it to them. We gotta teach them freeloaders how to pick themselves up by their bootstraps. Listen folks, they are going realize they are total complete morons and start shelling loads of cash because of our movement. This is like Gamestop and AMC taking down the hedge funds, only bigger. This time, we do it for America!