Press "Enter" to skip to content

Opinion: The Conspiracy to Crush My $150 Portfolio Goes All The Way to the White House

Here’s the deal, I lost all the money in my Robinhood account. I did my due diligence. I asked my Facebook daytrading crew “How do to turn my account into $25,000 so I can bypass Pattern Day Trading rule (PDT).”

They gave me dope advice, but then everything hit the fan. Why? You need to understand, the system is rigged against people like us. Don’t trust anyone. The big players are in it together. They know my name and watch my moves. But that’s not all, it’s much bigger than anyone could have dreamed.

A little backstory. I went all in with some long $4 calls expiring the same week. But you know how stocks are supposed to go up? Well, these ones didn’t. They went down. All the way down all because the market is rigged.

When I told my group that my calls were about to go to the moon, this dude commented it wasn’t gonna work. I replied, “What are you the SEC or something?” He replied, “Yeah whatever, but you will never get $25K with calls like that.”

This dude was gonna de-moon my calls because he knew I loaded up to get past PDT. At first I didn’t think anything of it. But right when the market opened, the price fell hard. I asked him if he really was an SEC agent, and he said he also worked for the Robinhood CEO and that my calls were doomed.

At first I didn’t believe he worked for them either. Then I looked at his profile, and there was no mention of the SEC or Robinhood. Get it! He was undercover, but he told me because we were FB bros!

Robinhood is run by this dude, Vlad Tenev. His name is a straight up anagram for levanted. What’s that word mean you ask? It literally means he ran away from debt. Also, the Chairman of the SEC, Allison Herren, has been investigating trading issues with Robinhood.The SEC is investigating him because when I lose money, he gets it and that helps him run from debt. Connecting the dots, yet?

I’ll spell it out: this SEC Chairwoman was appointed by none other than President Joe Biden. Herren and Tenev are henchmen for the president, they have a mole in Robinhood who de-moons stocks, so we can never get above the PDT rule. They are watching us carefully and are all out to get me. The system is rigged against us.