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Peloton Investors Rejoice as Company Set to Release Newly Designed Treadmill That Doesn’t Kill You

Shares of Peloton surged higher earlier today on news the beleaguered fitness equipment manufacturer will be releasing a newly designed treadmill that doesn’t kill you. The company recently recalled their line of treadmills due to injuries and death so this is welcome news for shareholders.

“It’s important for us that moving forward our equipment is 100% non-lethal,” said CEO John Foley. “99% would be unacceptable unlike some of our competitors.”

It’s not clear which competitor he is referencing however some have speculated it’s his way of casting doubt on the entire industry to make Peloton appear less bad.

Users of the product were equally excited with San Francisco resident Smiranda Gezwel at the brick and mortar store looking to buy one.

“I just love the brand and every company has their issues. They could have stuck their heads in the sand but instead decided they would fix things and put out a treadmill that won’t kill you,” she says while browsing the store.

It’s to be determined if this treadmill is without its bugs but Peloton promises that if this treadmill also kills people they will do their best to replace it with one that won’t.