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Peloton Up After Tour De France Inspires Thousands to Risk Their Lives on a Bike

Peloton saw big gains in the market today after the Tour de France inspired many customers to purchase stationary bikes so they too could put their lives on the line while riding.

“It’s a stationary bike, with the same risk factor as going 70 mph down a French mountain,” said Peloton CEO John Foley. “It is a marvel of modern technology. It really makes you feel like one of the pros.”

Peloton has confirmed that their improved bikes can mimic the resistance of the 9,000-foot Cime de la Bonette, and even has realistic wobble to duplicate the experience of trying to grab a roadside water on the way down.

“When that one rider got hit with a sign and knocked over like 40 other riders, that’s when we knew we were in for a big month of sales,” continued Foley. “No other stationary bike can make you feel like you’re in a dogpile of steel and asphalt. That’s the Peloton difference.”

At press time, Tesla confirmed that their self-driving cars made every road feel like the F1 Grand Prix track in Monaco.