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Recession Must Be Over Because How Else Is That Artisanal Candle Making Shop Still Open?

Kansas City, MO – Great News, despite a catastrophe pandemic hurling the nation into an economic recession, the US economy is making a complete recovery and in fact growing (apparently). This was revealed earlier today, when it was discovered that the artisanal candle making shop downtown is, by some act of God, still open and operating.

Mom and Pop shops have been hit the hardest during quarantine, pushing many of them out of business. Yet in a country where even hospitals are facing financial hardships, some of our fellow citizens felt the need to support the ‘pour your own candle’ store, The Enchanted Wick.

I personally investigated this company to find out the secret that keeps them afloat even in a completely normal market. My initial theory that this was merely a front to sell drugs turned out to be false. Even though they’re selling products named ‘Honeydew Dreamscape’ and “Sweet Crisp Rosemary’, these are not codenames, just actual candles. However at $29.99 a candle, these things sure as shit better get me high.

It’s not only candles. Other products The Enchanted Wick sells includes gourmet deodorant, Eucalyptus eye drops, five different kinds of lilac air fresheners, Uzbeckastanian tinctures, and essential oils for the essential worker covid kits.

Times are uncertain. I would like to say a business managing to survive all of this is heartwarming. Honestly I’m just frustrated by it’s existence. With a business model comparable to literally burning your own money in front of you, The Enchanted Wick proves that maybe there’s still some hope for the rest of us.

The Enchanted Wick is planning to open a second location later this month, in response to their most profitable year since opening back in 2007 during the housing crisis.