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Report: Facebook Shutting Down Facial Recognition Algorithm; Sources State Program Has Reached Its Goals and Zuckerberg Can Now Identify Between Humans and Stoplights

Facebook will be shutting down its facial recognition algorithm after company founder Mark Zuckerberg has achieved his goals with the program, now able to identify between a human and various traffic signs.

According to a new whistleblower the program was started when executives noticed Zuckerberg talking to a decorative yield sign hung in the company headquarters. “He didn’t have a clue that it wasn’t a human, I mean it’s not even close. We’ve all talked to one of the androids roaming the halls thinking they were real, but a traffic sign? He even started having Zoom calls with the little guy on the pedestrian crossing sign.”

The facial recognition program involved directly feeding millions of images of humans interacting to Zuckerberg. Computer scientists working for Facebook reportedly were baffled with the low level of human recognition Zuckerberg had been running on. “It explains a lot if you think about it,” said AI researcher David Sands. “Facebook was built so he didn’t have to interact with people in real life. He must have known it was a problem. That’s probably why those signs above the microwaves say “not human, Mark.”

Sources state that Facebook’s next program, the Metaverse, was likely started so that Zuckerberg would feel a little more at home in this cold, flesh and blood world.