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Report: Fundamentals Don’t Matter, This Stock Only Goes Up Until You Buy It

Stock only go up. A phrase coined by degenerate gambler and Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy in 2020, this adage could not be more true right now. Crushing levels of debt? Stock goes up. Dilutive share offering? Stock goes up. Bankruptcy? You better believe that stock is going up. It really doesn’t matter. That is until you decide to buy.

Think about that crazy run in Hertz in the summer of 2020. The stock spiked on news of bankruptcy as you would expect any stock to do. You bought in at $5 at that seemed incredibly cheap and you don’t really understand how to value a stock. It then went up to over $6 before crashing to $1 in short order. And stupid you forgot to put a stop so now you’re holding an incredibly heavy bag and you only need a 350% increase to break even.

Or what about when you bought Carnival Cruise Lines in June at $24 thinking that this pandemic was basically over and it was a steal considering it was twice the price 6 months earlier? Whoops! Yours shares were 50% lower only a few weeks later and the although you almost got back to even you still aren’t and you’ll just need to keep waiting.

Now what can you learn from this? Nothing, of course. Now get out there tomorrow and buy as many shares of GameStop as you can. Financial freedom awaits you.