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Report: Jack Dorsey Shocked to Learn He Was Twitter’s CEO for Past 6 Years

Jack Dorsey was shocked to learn that he has been serving as Twitter’s CEO for the past 6 years, sources within the company say. Dorsey immediately resigned upon hearing the news, relinquishing the duties he never bothered carrying out.

According to sources familiar with his thinking, Dorsey “swore” that he was fired back in 2008 and never resumed as the company’s chief executive.

“Now all of the complaints I get in my mentions are making a lot more sense,” Dorsey told a colleague.

Twitter immediately began a search for a new part-time CEO.