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Robinhood Instinctually Halts Trading on Own Ticker

Wednesday, within minutes of the market opening, the retail investing giant Robinhood jumped 65%. Acting on pure instinct, the trading platform halted moves on its own ticker, citing “volatility.”

“There’s a comically large red button that says ‘HALT’ at our headquarters,” noted Robinhood CEO Vladimir Tenev, “and we’ve got an intern’s hand hovering over it at all times, ready to stop trading at a moment’s notice. Sometimes primal fear takes over and we get a little carried away.”

Today’s surge in price comes after a recent IPO for the trading platform which opened below expectations.

Robinhood made the news earlier this year over a lawsuit alleging they prevented millions of traders living with their parents from buying shares of the decrepit Funko Pop warehouse, GameStop.

All that practice halting shares of GME and AMC hard-wired the suits at Robinhood to halt trading on any stock that seems to be benefitting regular Americans just trying to get out of their parent’s basements.