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Robinhood To Explore Streamlined Options, Allowing Investors To Simply Forfeit Their Money

With a hefty $70 million fine on their books and recent IPO success, it would appear Robinhood is now laser-focused on optimizing their investment experience to help customers reach their financial destiny even faster. The retail trading app will now allow users to immediately lose their money.

A press release announcing the move indicated the feature will launch with its own fun and relatable branding. “Options trading is more popular than ever, and here at Robinhood we are excited to announce an exciting new feature alongside the traditional calls and puts. We call it, 4fit.”

With the touch of a button, investors can now rid themselves of the sum of their choosing, without the hassle of picking a stock to haunt their dreams. The development teams at Robinhood are hopeful that giving up a financial future just got a whole lot easier.

“Why wait for an expiration date to put off the inevitable?” asks CEO Vlad Tenev. “Our goal is to help you get to where you are going anyways, not beat around the bush like the outdated legacy investment firms. Those guys waste so much of their customers’ time with things like education, advocacy, and oversight. It’s time for a change.”

For now, Robinhood is mum on the details, but insider rumors suggest revenue from 4fit will directly fund a full revamp of the currently-shelved and highly-controversial confetti functionality.