Press "Enter" to skip to content

Senators Move to Shut Down Stock Manipulation They Don’t Benefit From

Accusations of widespread stock manipulation caused a stir on Capitol Hill this morning as lawmakers scramble to shut down unethical trading activity that they don’t benefit from.

“Stock manipulation carried out by random losers on the internet is never okay,” 15 senators said in joint statement. “The integrity of our markets is sacred, and should only be violated by US senators who got a really good tip about a hot stock.”

Most of the calls for regulation have come from the organized short squeeze of GameStop, which most senators did not own. “Unfortunately, none of us use this internet website called Reddit, so we will move to shut it down. The talented stock pickers from that site may move over to a hedge fund that’s well-connected to a senator,” the statement continued.

Before moving to shut down the r/WallStreetBets forum, senators called several users of the site to testify in front of a closed-door session of the Senate. Anonymous sources who attended the hearing said the focus of the questions was whether or not AMC stock will double again, and if the senators still had time to place their trades.