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Several WSB Diamond Hands Revealed as Cubic Zirconium Knock-Offs

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. The WallStreetBets (WSB) army was trained to fight, push and snarl while holding the line. Many forged their diamond hands through sheer will and with the power of unification. Hands shined like halos in the face of darkness, but then something turned horribly wrong.

“I counted on these guys,” /u/IamStalwart/ stated in a DM. “I put everything I had saved for my mortgage, my fiance’s engagement ring, even my dog’s liver transplant, all on the line. But these newbie bastards folded on us. They just crumbled, man.”
Some blame a lack of organization. Others blame the new WSB members.

“These fast-talking new blood, so-called ‘diamond hands’ came in and looked real good at first, but the thing is none of it was even real,” one WSB moderator replied. “We got swindled by these hands that were nothing more than lousy cubic freakin’ zirconium.”

As more and more questioned the integrity of the line, the weak hands shattered like dreams and caused many crucial support units to get crushed in the tsunami-like pullback.

“We lost a lot of good autists out there because of these lousy knock-off hands, /u/IamStalwart/ added. “Oh god, we even lost /u/PoorLittleInnocentTimmy. That wasn’t right. He was new to the game. Kid only had a few Friday YOLOs under his belt. Never even seen real action before.”

Some of the newer WSB members quickly defended themselves, claiming they had no idea what kind of hands they had until the battle began.

“Man, I got these mofo diamon’ hands ready to go to get some party skrilla tendies, Na’mean?” /u/MethedupMan/ said. “I wasn’t born with the diamond gift like those others, I had to trust the hands I was given, and this swapmeet shine just fell apart under the pressure. I didn’t know. I thought they were real.”

Looking to regroup and recalibrate focus, many users are taking their lumps and eying a greater prize.

“Look, we now know we can do this,” /u/IamStalwart/ stated. “We can do our due diligence, rise and take down short selling hedge funds one at a time. It will work. It has to work, or else my fiance is gonna be pissed when she realizes her ring is fake, and my mom will kick us out.”