Press "Enter" to skip to content

Side Effect Of New Pfizer Vaccine Causes Short Sellers To Be Suicidal

New York — With news of a vaccine with a 90% efficacy moving markets Monday, Pfizer cautioned that while there was much to be optimistic about, the vaccine is not without it’s side-effects. Specifically causing suicidal thoughts in short-sellers who bet against there ever being a vaccine and hopeful for indefinite lockdown.

“Being short since the start of lockdown has been a very tough position financially but many short sellers we polled were certain hope of a vaccine was overdone and that lockdowns would be indefinite,” said Chief Macro Strategist Adam Sabbag of PM Capital. “With this news coming out that just doesn’t appear to be the case.”

The Chairman and CEO of PFizer, Dr. Albert Bourla spoke very positively of the vaccine in a conference call this morning however he did reiterate that while there weren’t currently any major side effects for the general public, short sellers were specifically vulnerable.

“We will definitely need to keep an eye on short sellers as well as people heavily long lockdown stocks as this vaccine seems to affect them both very similarly.”

As of this writing the Dow Jones is up almost 5% and we were unable to reach anyone at the suicide hotline for comment.