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So-Called Internet Commerce Fad Officially Over As Amazon Stock Craters

The “internet” fad is officially over, according to experts. After Amazon’s embarrassing collapse Friday morning, the world is “beginning to accept that the internet was just a silly fad with no real economic staying power,” according to technology stock analyst Jeremy Arkins.

“Now that Amazon is done, I think we can all just move on,” said Arkins, who began sending out job applications to hopefully become an analyst in the railway or mining industry. “Tech is pretty much dead now. There is no money to be made.”

As Amazon winds down operations, experts agree that it’s unlikely that any investors would be willing to bid on its leftover assets.

“Best case scenario is that Amazon’s management gets real and opens a physical book store location that people might actually shop at,” Arkins said.