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Stock Market Subscription Box Sends New Worthless Penny Stock Every Month

NEW YORK — The latest addition to the trend of subscription boxes, ‘Growth Box’, takes aim at the stock trading community by sending out a new penny stock to members every month, sources confirm.

“We saw people like ‘Hello Fresh’ and ‘Butcher Box’ blowing up, and decided to do that, but for investors,” CEO Martha Madsen stated. “And with all these amateur day traders buying up dead-in-the-water stocks that are about to get de-listed, we figured this was our target audience. Every month, we send out a stock that if it happens to blow up, could make you millions, but is more likely to be taken off the market and become entirely devoid of any value — for some reason people are actually subscribing to it.”

Those who signed up with Growth Box have yet to see noticeable gains, but are staying hopeful.

“It will pay off when that one penny stock hits,” new member Laura Barret commented. “So far they’ve all been obscure bio-tech companies whose product was rejected by the FDA so they subsequently went out of business, but one of these days that $300/month subscription fee will pay off and I’ll be a millionaire.”

Robinhood CEO Vladamir Tenev was initially apprehensive to support the start-up, but has since seen an ancillary benefit on his own platform.

“Rather than fight it, we actually partnered with Growth Box so the delivery method of that totally worthless, garbage penny-stock is entirely digital, straight into the user’s Robinhood account,” he added. “We really streamlined the process of letting you buy a useless trash-stock while we skim negligible amounts off the top that eventually add up to sizable revenue, so win/win… well, win/win/lose I suppose, as the user still doesn’t ever make money.”

In response to the innovative new service, E*TRADE has created their own subscription box, a premium version of the concept, where they send members fractional shares of hugely successful stocks like Amazon and Google every month, calling it ‘Blue Chip Apron’.