With the child tax credit set to increase by 80% for children under the age of six, tax experts are warning that time is running out to knock up your wife for a December 2021 birth to capitalize on that tax credit.
“Gents! You need to bring your A-game to get this tax credit,” advised Wall Street Journal personal finance columnist Herbert Lehman. “Some Luther Vandross, some wine to loosen things up… what are you waiting for?”
Theresa Brun, an accountant in Stockton, CA, stated, “While listening to your significant other is an important part of financial planning, right now you just need to man the fuck up and give it to her hard, like right now.”
“Seriously, quit being a pussy and get the job done,” she added.
In a bid to boost business, H&R block has set up special “tax credit rooms” in its offices nationwide which couples may rent overnight or even hourly to put a spark into their finances. Business is booming, says CEO Jeff Jones. “Bricks and mortar gives us a decided advantage over online-only tax firms,” he said. The rooms feature luxury bedding, hot tubs, and copies of President Biden’s $1.9 trillion taxpayer relief package.
“I’d like to see Intuit pull off something like this,” added Jones. “And–oh shoot, gotta run, meeting my wife for lunch!” he explained with a wink before ducking into one of the rooms.