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Tesla Enters Bear Market, Signaling Tragic Loss in Battle to Save Climate

Tesla has entered a bear market (defined as a decline of 20% or more from its peak), meaning that humans have tragically lost the climate battle.

“Clearly, CO2 has won the battle now that Tesla has fallen below the key $720,” said renewable energy analyst Greg Duffy.

Many analysts agree that humanity’s last hope in the battle to save the climate was Tesla stock crossing the $1,000 price target. Unfortunately, our cowardly paper-handed society was unable to hunker down and buy the dip.

“It’s over,” White House climate adviser Janette Marshall declared in a press release. “We appreciate everyone’s efforts in helping to fight climate change, but it’s no use anymore. Burn your garbage and drive a gas-guzzling truck if you want, we are doomed no matter what.”