NEW YORK — Billionaire playboy innovator Tony Stark has begun texting the Avengers group chat thread what he describes as ‘important market information,’ urging them to all ‘hold the line’ on GME and AMC, sources confirm.
“We need to take down the hedgies!” Stark explained. “We are heros for the people, it’s time we act like it and drive the price of these meme stocks up. Thanos can wait… The hedge funds are like the Thanos of the financial industry, too much power! This is our most important mission yet!”
The rest of the team has started a secondary group chat without him after his 100th Robinhood screenshot of the day.
“He keeps sending ‘strap on those vibranium rocket boots and solve the icing problem, cuz we’re going to the moon, baybeee’,” commented Bruce Banner, nearly turning to the Hulk just thinking about how annoying Stark has been lately. “Now he’s texting about Stark Industries accepting Dogecoin as currency. Please make it stop!”
Several Avengers stated that they simply muted the conversation.
“If anyone asks, just say I don’t get service in Asgard,” Thor pleaded. “I can’t take anymore of this. Today he was saying we need to have Infinite Stone Hands and ‘hodl’ until the Short Snap. If he didn’t invent time travel in like a half hour before bed I would say let’s fire him from the team, but, not really my call I suppose.”
Though Stark is ‘holding the line’ on meme stocks, once he sells he also plans to let the price drop all the way back down, then cover his short positions with the Hedge fund he secretly owns and operates as well.