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Turns Out Buying Gold Wasn’t Nearly As Useful As Just Owning Weapons During The Apocalypse

When Covid-19 hit the United States, there was a lot of panicking and impulse buying. Some people bought extra toilet paper and canned food, others bought a ton of gold and silver to hedge against the collapse of the dollar, but I immediately began accumulating various weapons. And it paid off big time! Here’s why.

I’ve got this neighbor named Hiroshi and we don’t like each other one bit…but our wives are best friends. Ugh. Whenever our wives make us get together for a barbecue, he’s always bragging to me about all the gold he buys and how I’m gonna be sorry that I didn’t buy any when our financial system and society inevitably collapse.

Well guess what, Hiroshi was wrong. Because yesterday when our wives made us do one of those “Social distancing get-togethers” I made sure to bring the Radius Garden PRO Stainless Steel Pitchfork I bought on Amazon for 67 dollars (10% off using a honey coupon).

So I was sitting there about 6 feet away from Hiroshi, who was jabbering on about how happy he was with all the gold he bought this year. And just like that, I raised my Radius Garden PRO (which luckily has a 6 foot long handle, perfect for covid) and pointed it right at Hiroshi who was very surprised.

Then I said, “Hey daddy-O” (Which is something I’ve decided to start saying recently) “give me all that gold you’ve been talking about, or else.”

Hiroshi obviously didn’t want to give me his gold, but seeing as I had my Radius Garden PRO and he didn’t, he ended up letting me have the gold. How cool is that?! Now I own about 5 pounds of gold AND a Radius Garden PRO pitchfork, and I probably don’t have to attend any barbecues at Hiroshi’s house anymore! 2020 has been such a great year!