Fat cat billionaire bankers everywhere were stunned today as they really had it stuck to them by unemployed waiter Wally O’Brien with his recent purchase of $2,300 of Gamestop stock .
“Suck on this!” exclaimed O’Brien, extending his middle finger toward the Robinhood trading app after purchasing the stock. “Let’s see how you like getting screwed over for a change.”
O’Brien, who lost his job after his employer went out of business in October due to the covid slowdown, used money from the most recent stimulus as well some of his recent Uber earnings.
“Fuck those sons of bitches anyway,” added O’Brien.
Several members of the Federal Reserve Board of Governors have asked Chairman Jerome Powell to consider expanding the Fed’s quantitative easing program in response to O’Brien’s purchase, but Powell demurred, noting that O’Brien’s “diamond hands” render his YOLO immune to any actions the Fed might take. “Let’s face it: the man is in this thing balls deep,” said Powell.
Several research firms adjusted their price target after news of O’Brien’s purchase, which has totally upended those good-for-nothing Wall Streeters and their fancy Manhattan lifestyle. Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon has offered his resignation, stating that “there is no way out for us fat cats now.”
He paused and said, “Unless, like, the price eventually goes back down again, but c’mon… you think those diamond hands will let that happen?”