SAN JOSE, Calif. — Moments before the Zoom earnings report, CEO Eric Yuan was forced to delay the call because his ring light had yet to arrive, sources confirm.
“I’m a human, like all of you, so you understand, there’s no way I’m hopping on a ‘Zoom’ without that ring light,” he commented. “Look at me! These little bags under my eyes from not sleeping the past year, my skin is terrible from being locked inside away from the sun, I need that light blasted onto my face so I look like an Instagram model… that ‘soften features’ function can only do so much!”
Several investors that would be logging into the call expressed exasperation at the holdup but were secretly elated to have the extra time.
“My ring light is also late arriving… someone get Bezos and his army of drones on the phone, I need that delivery NOW,” said board member Sarah Cagan. “I need that beautiful soft blue to bring out the natural hues of my face while also hiding the dark circles and pockmarks; make me look like a healthy and hydrated goddess of the sea, please.”
Jun Wang, CEO of one of the top ring light manufacturers Neewer, has said the delays are due to sharp increase in sales recently.
“We normally produce the lights for photographers, actors, and influencers,” Wang stated. “Over the last year we were unprepared for literally every human with a job to suddenly need to soften their features for remote conferences.”
When the earnings call eventually did begin, Yuan along with several others on the call conveniently were having connectivity issues with their cameras and were forced to go audio only.