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Unusual Options Activity: My Calls Gained Value

Followers of my writing will know that I place a very high premium on market signals — from meticulously derived purchasing indices to simple breakdowns of trading volume patterns,
I always seek markers that give insight to the future activity of the market.

In 45 years as an analyst, I thought I’d seen it all — Black Monday, the Dot Com bubble, 2008 — but today, I saw the single most bizarre market event of my storied career: My call contracts increased in value by 3%. This is very disturbing, and I implore the Federal Reserve to analyse the potential ramifications.

Keep in mind my track record: Warren Buffett once referred to me as the ‘drunken monkey with darts’ of investors. Michael Burry once vomited after viewing my portfolio. Steve Leisman said listening to my technical analysis was ‘the financial equivalent of sucking on the exhaust pipe of an 18-wheeler.’ For my calls to go up, something must be very, very wrong.

A week ago, I would have told you to buy aggressive Microsoft puts. Today I suggest you buy clean water and canned food, because the end of days is clearly upon us.