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Victoria’s Secret Appears To Be Up After Squeezing Two Earnings Reports Together

Earnings appear to be up at Victoria’s Secret after the company increased perceived value by using their age-old trick and squeezing two reports together.

“I think it’s a great time to buy,” said one analyst, drooling at the sight of the large numbers. “Even though the fundamentals underneath may not be there, everything looks great for them externally.”

Victoria’s Secret also looked to their requirements for their models for more advice. They have since stopped spending money on food so their earnings look bigger by comparison.

“As a company we are incredibly well-endowed,” said CEO Victor Dremmings. “We just do a little bit of fluffing to prove it.”

At press time, Hanes was stuffing its earnings report with socks.