THE INTERNET — Wallstreetbets user goku_kamehameha lost $60,000 in call options this afternoon after $AMC shares plummeted, but his Reddit post is doing extremely well.
“I was a millionaire yesterday,” said goku_kamehameha. “Today my call options are worthless. I maxed out my credit cards, I borrowed from friends, I got a payday loan. It’s all gone. I cried and threw up a lot and seriously considered ending my life. I actually wrote a suicide note. I posted it on wallstreetbets because those freaks were the ones that got me into trading. I figure it’s their fault. Buncha dumb assholes.”
“I wrote my story and posted a screenshot of my Robinhood graph. After that, I set up my autoerotic noose so it would kill me this time. Before I put the belt around my neck, I looked at my phone one last time and saw my post blew up to 30K upvotes. I’ve submitted posts that received a few hundred upvotes in my day, but nothing like this.”
“I read the comments in my post, and everyone was so kind and supportive. I mean, they did call me an autistic retard but it’s like a term of endearment here. I realized right then that these people were my brothers. They understood what I was going through, because they’re just like me. They’re dreamers who will never own a house working a normal job. The only way we win is if we gambool and make these investment fund assholes cry. Wallstreetbets is full of good people and even though I lost some money today, I’m still a good person too.”
At press time goku_kamehameha was banned from Reddit for using too many racial slurs in /r/politics.